It's A Quarter After One, I'm All Alone And I Hope He Gets Chlamydia

Title above: Need You Now - Lady Antebellum. Song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OfsZyYPLoI&ob=av2e

Mood: Snarky. Buahahahah
Music: Internet Radio - 90's




Ahh revenge. How sweet it is. Except for when it consumes you and takes over your life. I'm talking extreme cases of course, but even having it at a "medium" level is energy consuming. 


Take my breakup for example. I am not ashamed to write about my feelings about it on my blog. It's difficult to talk about it in person, especially with people I am not that close with. Most of the time it comes out in anger and every so often I'll mention something awful that I wish to happen to him. Like yesterday for example. My roommates and I were unpacking from moving. I said to Oz "You know, I hope he fucking catches chlamydia". Oz giggles, as he already knows not to take me seriously. Neil also giggles and says "Yes we know. You've mentioned it 5 times today". Shit. I have haven't I. I say "Ok, fine. But I also wish he fucking gets diarrhea while he's on a date with some slut while far away from home".  


They both laugh. Uncomfortably probably, but I don't care. That moment, for whatever reason (and apparently 5 times that day), I was consumed with anger and thoughts of revenge. And it felt good. Obviously I'm still angry and hurt and I'm not sure how long it takes for that to go away. I guess there is no specific time period for the healing process, but fuck, I want this to go away already. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. 


Another great example of revenge is Oz. In order to piss off his ex-roommates, he decides to pack EVERYTHING in the old apartment. Furniture, dishes, even the garbage pales. And the damn Foosball machine. As I've mentioned in my previous posts, the apartment was a decrepit shitshow. But in order to piss off his roommates, he decides to take everything that is rightfully his, including the junk. The furniture is complete drek (shit in Yiddish). I guess he thought to himself "AHAHAHAH I'll show them. I'm going to take all of this and they'll have nothing!". Right Oz, because you're really hurting them by taking broken chairs and scratched up coffee tables. You really showed them by emptying out the apartment of garbage. 


And I mean this stuff is junk. All of his friends even said it. They were especially annoyed spending 6 hours moving all of this shit just because of revenge. While we were moving, people on the street were walking by and asking "hey is this junk? You know there's a guy that drives around the neighborhood and picks this up for you". "No", I reply shamefully. "This is our furniture". Not that any of this is really that big of a deal in the long scheme of things, it just creates unnecessary time and energy spent on moving/unpacking. Sigh. The things we do for friends. 


Not really sure where I am going with this, I don't think I really have a point except that revenge is an awful feeling. But anger, not so much. Anger is healthy and pretty fucking awesome. If I weren't so angry sometimes, I wouldn't feel alive and so real. Sure, I've cried myself to sleep plenty of times, most recently 3 days ago, but if I weren't so angry, I wouldn't blow steam and feel so empowered. I guess the awful song that I mentioned above (and I mean awful because I cry every time I hear it) is true: "I'd rather hurt than feeling nothing at all". Stupid emotions.